THE LITTLE I KNOW I SHALL NEVER FORGET

     

Mind you dear reader, this is a fable!!!

But in these words, I extenuate nothing

I’m doing this because it came to my mind

When I wasn’t thinking of it

This is a great vice that persuades justice to break her sword for a little price

But it has less power to harm anybody than he/she has to be hurt, not even me

Sweet revenge grows harsh; so sweet but never so fatal

Kill me tomorrow; but let me live tonight

This is my wretched fortune  

But I am mettle and the stars are chaste

I have to obey but not now

This may not be believed, but I swear it

I think my heart has turned stone, because I strike it and it hurt my hand

But I know not how it happened

So I ask: why does God’s will often seem horrible?

Does it please heaven to try me with afflictions?

The world have beaten me to my knees

But I still do remember, gold is purified in fire

And obedience is better off than sacrifice

I may be wounded, but it doesn’t hurt

There is sore in my heart

But the patience of my sole is still tranquil

This patience have endured enough

And the endurance has been patient enough

Long is the road I walked down the valley of madness

But yet longer is the road I’m walking up the mountain of sanity

It was perfectly okay until I chose to stop being unrealistic

So I dedicate this to the possibility that I had been so wrong about what felt so right

You have been so silent and often slow when you speak

But Now I fare thee well my tranquil mind

And with due reverence to my sacred vows, I here engage my words

I mean no harm, not even to the worst of my foes

I bet you can’t even remember half of the things I would never forget

But it doesn’t matter anymore now

We are all virtuous but hear me out: ambition is no virtue

And gossip is a very bad one (virtue)

It may burn like the mines of sulfur,

But it seek not to harm anybody; I’m just thinking out loud

They are my thoughts;

If I ignore them; I mock my own reason

Rob me of this, it will neither enrich you nor make me poor indeed

But it would rather stir up controversy

So I bid you ignore my thought pattern,

Sometimes they are annoying especially when I think at the top of my voice

The best of my conscience is not to keep things unsaid

But to say it clearly with an agonizing sincerity

I am thought too busy and obsessed with my thoughts

Yet it doesn’t drop my appetite of doing it still

What remains of me is not bestial

I haven’t lost the immortal in me

I can trade anything but not my humanity

I protest in sincerity of love and honest kindness

Disagreement is no rebellion

Don’t turn my virtue into pitch

Out of my own goodness

You seek to make a net to enmesh me. Why?

Please don’t kindle my fire and extinguish my virtues

Jealousy shapes faults that are not

Step yourself up

Don’t seek to pull others down

Throw not away the pearl richer than all your tribes

The army that kills its soldiers

Will look for them in the time of war

I am unfettered in my speech, I owe no apology

I am just as I seem, if you have been in my shoes

You will miss your steps like a drunkard

It is my nature’s plague to spy into abuses

But I do it just for the satisfaction of my thoughts and curiosity

I may be rude in my speech

But blessed with the soft phrases of peace

I speak little of the great words I was told myself

Because I acquired words of sigh for my struggles

But I still have reason to cool my raging emotions

Though I am beaten to my knees

And have been struck on the hand that uphold my sword

I bleed; I’m wounded but not dying yet

Now, I’m hurt to danger

Oh dear me, I didn’t see it coming

So I spare my speeches here

I may have been so stubborn but it is not in my virtue to amend it

This light can’t afford to go off now; Zimife is Zimife

Though most times people forget the best of me

But them that hunt me should not forget that a mighty hand upholds me

I may drop my sword but a heavier and swifter one is behind to assure me safety

He that leads me to battle, can’t leave me defeated

I am rewarded with so much experience for the pains that pass through me

If virtue lack no delight of beauty

Then, I am more black than fair

I love myself still, for the dangers I have passed

It is not bad to live, even when it’s a torment

There are many events in the womb of time

They will be delivered in due season

Don’t try to make sense out of this

It’s a fable!!! don't give it more power than it should have

ALONE WITH ME

This is going to be unrealistic to many

But because people around me are swinging

Doesn’t mean I should present my face to be smashed

Discouragement tempt me every day and yet I resist

Do I have nothing to show for a life of hard work?

The world has beaten me to my knees

But I still don’t take any shit from nobody

Because I have a God who motivates and helps me to stand up back

O just God, you are too merciful

This is not a contradiction; I can’t just understand it

I have gone against moral legislation

But he shows me no iniquity of mine is above his compassion

I have thrown my innocence to the gaming board

With less chances of winning it back

Every once in a while I catch myself doing this

I’m on it again today, but in a different fashion

I recycle my thoughts and emotions

It is like somebody hit the pause button in my life and I stopped growing

But how could it be? I carry my own remote

Oh! I lost that innocence I had as a little boy

Because I gambled with it

Sometimes I forget I’m alive and switch to auto mood (mode)

But when I wake up from that dormant stage

Beauty awaits and love beckons

It becomes a privilege and challenge to get back to normal living

Events speed up and I lost track of the forest

Because I am forced to dodge all the trees

But the grace of God is just too superb

I dive off boards without even checking if there is water in the pool

Because the grace of God will always provide the water

But notwithstanding, when I’m lost, I’m lost

It is all about my simple stubbornness

This is also about the conviction everyone else know less than I do

Wanting to be right is only a problem if I can’t accept being wrong

I get lost a lot; I have no natural sense of direction

But I dedicate this to the possibility that I may be wrong about something I feel so sure of

I don’t entertain this, but this certainly does entertain me

The Lord has written the Pater Noster in my heart

He has made my life so beautiful

When I look back to me, I can’t help but burst

Burst into what? Tears? Joy? That is not important

God takes care of everything, even when I forget to ask

God’s grace has been super abundant

It is just like a river over my head

A mass of water no one can possibly walk through

I’m about to burst again

I can’t keep quiet about me

I can’t thank Mary and her Son enough

I always feel this way when I’m not able to appreciate God enough

I’m thrilled and terrified, I’m on my bed but I can’t sleep

So I get up and pick my pen

I feel so much energy, I’m afraid I may get myself electrocuted

Many times God’s love over me leaves me no choice

Who am I that My Lord calls me by name? ZIMIFE

The old life is gone; this is the dawn of a new one

I live in a universe subjected to rules

Some of them I know, others I don’t

But I am a free chooser living among other free choosers

Other free choosers who sometimes choose the wrong

I have a life that is like a time bomb

One day it will certainly go off

But as long as I’m beeping, I will keep thanking God

If I entertain any other fantasy more than the life God gave me

The gods will be disappointed in me

Beyond my limitations that chaff and burn

I also experience the call to transcendence

I’m certainly not worthless in the eyes of my God

Because he created me for a purpose; there is no spare me

I am not destined to wind up on the cutting room floor of history

I won’t throw away the gift and privilege of my life

By spending my days like they don’t matter

Well, I’m sorry for all the times I intended more harm than good

For all the times I used people and loved things

It is certainly gone days now, everything is all changed

I didn’t do this alone, in fact I couldn’t

I’ve repented of them, repaired and renewed them

Grace made it all possible

This same grace makes me a bit player in the stage of history

Passionate God I commit to you all the sorrows of my heart

Mend what is broken, heal what is wounded and save what is lost

RANDOM AND NOT EDITED

 

Whether I say something encouraging here

Or nothing at all seem consequential

The fact remains: Our world is broken and so are we

Mostly our decisions are small and forgettable

I know the sort of persons I don’t like to be around

Cynical, demanding, moody, unkind...

But mostly, my chances often tip me to the direction of these personalities

Yet I collect my thoughts and lay them mentally in front of me

I sift through my feelings and intentions with equal respect

Acknowledging frankly the frustrations alongside the love

Now, relating this to the fate and plights of women

My pen has this to say

“Too many women become desperate

They hunger for love, attention and affection

So they settle for less

Settling with guys who doesn’t know the first thing about how to treat a woman

This is just because they are impatient

They don’t trust God’s romantic plans for them

So they compromise

And give themselves out to men who are not worth a second glance

And on a beautiful morning

The sun while lose its smile

The bright blue sky will turn gray

And they will get a message like this

…“I think we should break up”

And they will trouble their minds with these thoughts”

This doesn’t make any sense

Hadn’t he said he will always love me?

Hadn’t he repeated time without number that he can’t live without me?

Doesn’t he appreciate I have built my entire world around him all these while?

A cutting pain squeeze my heart

This is so intense I can scarcely breathe

The nightmare has come true again

Once again, I am in for a sleepless night of agony

Hours of weeping until no more tears would come

I have given a piece of me away in every single relationship

Piece of my heart, emotion and even my body

Yet each time they get bored, they toss my fragile heart away

I longed to be loved and cherished

I have dreamt of a perfect love ever since I knew about Romeo and Juliet

But my dreams have shattered along with the broken and fragmented pieces of my heart

I don’t see anything wrong with the way I chose to live

My lifestyle is far more moral than most of my peers’”….

But those are nothing but laments

It is obviously late to think now

She can only resolve to make a better decision next time

But my pen while continue from her

“Most of us have fallen flat on our faces when it comes to romance

Nearly all of us are familiar with the fragrance

The awful fragrance that accompanies a decomposing relationship

I’m sorry to some partners of a relationship

I wish I even had the opportunity to mess a relationship up

I know the world you live in, because I live in it too

Nobody can accuse me of not knowing what it feels like to be ugly

I also know what it feels to be lonely

I know what it feels like to desire someone

Someone whom you can share a passionate love and intimate embrace

But growing up in the church, I came to believe that everything I longed for was bad

Bad for my proper spiritual development

The “thou shall nots”

For many years I struggle to find the right words to capture my agonizing frustration

I was a young boy fighting a constant inward battle

Between needing to obey God’s “thou shall nots”

And longing to fulfill my passionate sensual desires

No red blooded human can resist this

But why does it seem that everything I desire most in this life leads to my destruction

Why must I be restrained from something so beautiful?

As much as I want to taste all the pleasures of the world

I don’t relish the idea of going to hell

Can I say my greatest fear of God is motivated by my fear of hell?

A deep conviction penetrates my heart

But I can’t argue with the rules God gave

Because I noticed that God never loses a debate

With every step closer to the edge of this cliff

I have lost something precious

I’m just going to trust that God knows what he is doing

I won’t be a fool giving what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose”

MY FIRST AND LAST THOUGHT

 I think of you firstly and lastly

When I rise and go to bed

You intrude each thought of my head

I always pretend I don’t want this

But it actually entices me

I think of you firstly and lastly

When I breathe in and out

You breeze through my imaginations

I always pretend this weakens me

But it actually grows me stronger

I think of you firstly and lastly

When I think of love and romance

You are there every moment of my longing and yearning

I always pretend this is so easy

But it actually is the hardest

I think of you firstly and lastly

When I think of giving up love
you encourage my humble effort

I always pretend this is embarrassing

But it actually motivates me

SAD RECORD

I search through the archives of my memories

As I hold this sophisticated pen,

Waiting to put down something

I stumble on a story told to me as a boy

Of a land rich and fertile

But wretched and malnourished

A land that oscillate between peace and war

A land of never ending agitation

Agitations that tore things apart

And set kingdoms on fire

Soldiers were trampled in war

Blood paid for blood

A land of sovereign dependency

A land of never-know-peace

Were humans are butchered for cattle to live

Were cattle feed on human toils,sweats and hard work

While humans go hungry

Women maltreated and violated

Are we the first generation to live after the death of god?

Here we search for something beautiful

Yet the whole source of beauty is robbed from us

I’m trying to focus on my pen

But all I can do is heave a sigh

It is just too sad and unfortunate

what happened to the efforts of our heroes past

INNOCENT

There is no good reason why I shouldn’t trust

But since the living can’t hear me out

Let me take recourse in the dead

I have no ambition to impress neither am I curious

Curiosity would mean my intellect want to know something

But right now, I’m just comfortable with ignorance

Most of the knowledge I possess are just putting me into trouble

I just want to live as innocent as when I was a boy

Innocence would mean my entire being wants to know

Not just the selfish intellect who want to grab all knowledge to itself

When only the intellect knows

It makes me bored and bitter, and puts me in trouble

It takes my vitality and gives me only illusions

The boredom and bitterness will be an indication

That I am far from where I need to be

Then I begin to doubt the importance of educating the intellect

But doubt is not a destructive force

Unless we choose to make it one

If we invite it into our life

It will become a venerable guide

Innocence is a graceful dance with doubt

Sometimes we lead

Other times we follow

When we dance elegantly, we fall into the act of reflection