MY SOUL STRUGGLES

 Times when I was not able to pray

I kept believing and trusting in your prayers for me

Then something happened

So I lost confidence in your prayers for me

I stop believing in the effectiveness of your prayers

Do you even know how much hope I lose any time I remember this

You know in cases like this

It is always difficult to concentrate and pray

Because the weight of my iniquities keeps dragging me down

So my efforts to raise my heart and mind to God is futile

And any time I remember I can’t pray and nobody is there to pray for me

I will sit back on my heels and just cry

It just looks like my only surviving hope is lost

I want it back badly enough

But now I have to make the journey of my own

Not hoping or relying on anybody for moral or spiritual support

This path I am to take is not easy

But it is there, straight and true

It gives me a sense of achievement

Freedom for moral dependency

Even to me it sounds weird

But I’m lifting this chalice to my lips

And I’m going to drink deep from it