LETTER TO A DAD BEYOUND

When mum asked me to write you a tribute

I took my pen and paper and showed my scholarship

Little do I know I was saying good night

I hoped to say good morning too, but you are not going to wake anymore

You did something to me, that pain never could

I grieve the loss of a bond that was to last forever

It took something from me that death never could

Paddy moore, I hope you can hear your boy speaking

I feel a yearning that no one else did

Now I know, it is not what I don’t know that hurts me

But it is what I know certainly that is not really so

I was very sure I wasn’t going to lose you

But I just want to let you know we are just fine

I want to tell you too, that I have dropped my mask

I no longer need to carry that persona of perfection and invulnerability

I have come to understand and learn that I am neither

You know dad, I have come to learn of my flaws and limitations

Your boy has grown above what you can recognize

You remember then when my psychological stamina dwindled

My spiritual vitality was affected too

It was so powerful that it makes me feel a little out of control

This threat to my sense of control is what frightens me

I call out to you because I no longer feel the connectedness

I have lost the voice within that supports me when no other is heard

I don’t want to root for strangers and imagine a personal closeness that will never exist

Dad, you broke your promises, but you don’t have to worry anymore

Like I said, we are just fine, you don’t have to promise no more

We stay true to ourselves an seldom shaped by criticism

I hope you are good too, just keep wishing us luck