WHEN GOD BREAKS YOUR HEART

Tragedy and suffering are never convenient

Yet they are part of our lives

At the moment when what I dreaded most happened,

I had this thought about God

Whom I was sure would never let me down.

I really thought God was ignoring my grief

“God is close to the broken hearted” (ps. 34:18)

Of what use is it if He is responsible for the brokenness?
Surely, I do know: brokenness is not the end game of life

But my physical and emotional turmoil has stolen my confidence in God

I have lost my perspective in tragedy

Anguish changes our priorities when the worst happens

This is really extinguishing the light of my faith

How long will I lift my eyes to this mountain?

Where is my help? (ps. 121:1)

“God is no more on your side”

I heard this and my breath became more unsteady

I was hoping my little piety would save me

But it was not enough to

God is a physician with great professionalism

Why then is he not attending to me?

Forget what my poems say

Because every single line I write removes a tear from my eyes

The gods have broken my heart

Until now, I’ve never been hurt beyond hope

Why should I cry to the gods?

When as usual they will not show up

I’m already losing this game

Why don’t they step in and play on my side?

My faith has always kept me on a repentant knee

Sometimes when I bend my knees

Through many sleepless nights

I feel like the gods have betrayed my trust

I have given up hope

Yet I always try one more time

The problem is:

My trials seem to have fallen into an infinite regress

But I’m sure, God is not surprised or threatened by my doubts and fears

I want to pray, but the words in my heart scares me

God is my father

I know this more than I’m sure of my own name

But I do wonder

What kind of father withholds his care at the precise moment his son need it the most?

I go through martyrdom like I’m in a slow fire

When God breaks your heart

You will feel damaged beyond recovery

And will always remember the words of proverb 29:1

Then you will wonder if you have ever been so deaf to counsels

No. not even in your greatest annoyance and provocation

This is a test

Don’t forget that during class test

The teacher is always quiet

Until he is set to make the corrections.

Likewise, don’t think God has abandoned you

Job was really too patient and never felt heartbroken

Why then should I?

When tragedy strikes repeatedly

Its more than we can bear

But out of the most devastating life experience

The Lord crafts within us a new, stronger, more vibrant and enduring faith

I wonder why Jesus allowed Lazarus to die

When He can actually safe him from dying at the first instance

I can recall He saved an officials son in Capernaum without even moving a step

He only spoke the words

Why is He now withholding those words in my own case?

God really broke my heart

But the same time He has given it a better shape

We must not allow discouragement to take active root in out hearts

I chose hope in the mist of this faith-shattering situation